It's that time of year again. Time for reevaluating and recalibrating our lives. By anyone's account 2009 is a year best swept into the dust bin: financial meltdown, unemployment, crime, war, etc. There's been a lot of talk about our society downsizing it's consumptive appetites in the wake of these domestic disasters. Time will tell if our "Back to Basics" outlook sticks or fades like a New Year's Eve Resolution.
Like many of you, I am adept at making and breaking those New Year's Resolutions, the reigning Queen of My Diet Starts Tomorrow, Master of Starting But Not Finishing Projects. (I don't even have Meg's first year scrapbook complete.) Somehow all the false starts haven't detered me from starting over.
But what about this year? Has Meaghan's cancer and rehabilitation given me steely determination to distill my life down to the essentials? Nope. I'm more worn down than ever. Depression and anxiety are my shadows. Sure, I pray almost constantly, love more fiercely, and release minor grievances more readily. To be honest, though, I miss the luxury of fretting over the little stuff because that means all the big stuff is in order.
The year 2009 is stigmatized for my family. And, let's face it, 2010 will be an odyssey as well. I don't have the stamina for another failed resolution this year. I can, however, do what I've done in all the years past. I can start over, day after day; if need be, hour after hour. I've watched our Meaghan push through circumstances that would have felled a lumberjack. She's the one in the family with real resolve. At any given time, Meg can refuse to go to therapy and stay in bed. She's entitled, yet she chooses to push herself daily.
Many don't believe in resolutions. I get that. But after spending nearly two months in the hospital with Meg, I think a simple resolution is in order for us all: Persistance.
May the Lord bless you with health and love in 2010.
Thank you for taking time to follow Meaghan's journey of healing as she battles Medulloblastoma, a form of brain cancer.
Meaghan, our five year old daughter, was diagnosed early November 2009 after an MRI revealed she had a 4 cm solid tumor in her cerebellum. The tumor resection, while successful, resulted in serious complications.
Cancer is a family affair and here I try to chronicle not only Meg's journey, but our whole family's as well.