Thank you for taking time to follow Meaghan's journey of healing as she battles Medulloblastoma, a form of brain cancer.

Meaghan, our five year old daughter, was diagnosed early November 2009 after an MRI revealed she had a 4 cm solid tumor in her cerebellum. The tumor resection, while successful, resulted in serious complications.

Cancer is a family affair and here I try to chronicle not only Meg's journey, but our whole family's as well.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Don't Look Away

When was the last time you were still? Quiet in the heart, mind and body? When was the last time you really paused to acknowledge the day's triumphs and blessings? In a normal setting that mindfulness takes a tremendous amount of discipline.

Generally, I'm easily irritated, emotional, driven to distraction by details and always focused on "getting things done." It would be so much easier for me, for us, to look away from our daily joys and blessings and become mired in anger and resentment. Anger and resentment are very self-serving and self-perpetuating emotions. Being angry feels good - for a time.

Many friends and family tell me they are inspired by our strength. Here's the dirty secret in all of this: I want to wallow in anger, grief and resentment! But, if we let ourselves dwell in those dark places that darkness will contaminate us and our older children, too. It is with dogged determination that we focus on those small, seemingly insignificant blessings and victories. (Something I failed miserably at before.) It is the same determination that fortifies us in our exhaustion, enables us to stand guard against the "What if's?" and the "Why us?"

We are not strong because it is easy or because we want to be. We are strong and emboldened in our faith because it is required of us.

Last night I took stock of God's blessings for us that day: safe travel during transport; small improvements during therapy sessions; a quiet evening with a calm Meaghan and the icing on the cake... Meaghan chewed and swallowed macaroni and cheese!!!

God is always good, we just need to stop looking away.


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  2. God is great! And God continues to bless Meaghan and your family. In what may seem like small things to others you are able to see the great power God provides with each step Meaghan takes toward her recovery. After what Meaghan has gone through, it is no small event that she can eat on her own.

    Your feelings are your own. And I know how angry the parent of sick child can feel. There are many emotions that plague the mind of a parent when your child is ill, but always know that faith sustains.

    We continue to pray for Meaghan's recovery and for God to continual bless you and your family. Please know that if you need more than our prayer, I am available to help.

    Denise K.

  3. Yay! For Meaghan's chewing and swallowing...

    Crying tears of JOY for this accomplishment and praying many more blessings come your way.

  4. Amy, despite your "dirty little secret" I still think you are amazing! :) Love ya, sister!

  5. I am so happy to hear that Meaghan chewed and swallowed the mac & cheese!! So awesome!

    I am truly inspired by you and the grace by which you've handled all of this. It's ok to have those negative emotions, as they are part of your healing process and it wouldn't be normal for you NOT to feel those things. You and Ed are amazing parents and Meaghan, Maddy, and Ethan are truly blessed to have you.

  6. You are such an amazing family,and it is a great day with Meaghan chewing and swallowing. It is just the beginning of the healing she will have and the strength you have grown.Thank you for sharing your thoughts, struggles, and accomplishments. Thank you for sharing your lives with us. I love you! XO


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