When was the last time you were still? Quiet in the heart, mind and body? When was the last time you really paused to acknowledge the day's triumphs and blessings? In a normal setting that mindfulness takes a tremendous amount of discipline.
Generally, I'm easily irritated, emotional, driven to distraction by details and always focused on "getting things done." It would be so much easier for me, for us, to look away from our daily joys and blessings and become mired in anger and resentment. Anger and resentment are very self-serving and self-perpetuating emotions. Being angry feels good - for a time.
Many friends and family tell me they are inspired by our strength. Here's the dirty secret in all of this: I want to wallow in anger, grief and resentment! But, if we let ourselves dwell in those dark places that darkness will contaminate us and our older children, too. It is with dogged determination that we focus on those small, seemingly insignificant blessings and victories. (Something I failed miserably at before.) It is the same determination that fortifies us in our exhaustion, enables us to stand guard against the "What if's?" and the "Why us?"
We are not strong because it is easy or because we want to be. We are strong and emboldened in our faith because it is required of us.
Last night I took stock of God's blessings for us that day: safe travel during transport; small improvements during therapy sessions; a quiet evening with a calm Meaghan and the icing on the cake... Meaghan chewed and swallowed macaroni and cheese!!!
God is always good, we just need to stop looking away.